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Winning Poems for August 2008 First Place The great strength of this poem lies in the care and interest it gives to description, especially in the wonderful and strange first two stanzas. I enjoy the physicality of the receded ocean like a mouth, the tongue of the waves curled back, the raw red mud like muscle sheath. Though the poet restrains him or herself from saying so, implicitly it makes the oceanic force of the gathering Tsunami a godlike thing, a great god tongue coming to lick the world clean of life. The second stanza gives us a picture of the flotsam that the narrator and others are gathering in the bed of the receded ocean---all the detritus of their lives, child photos, tampon cases, and especially that very strange jewel box gaping, pink and broken. It is a strange image of the mother-vagina that has birthed something unnameable. The red mud echoes the Hebrew for Adam ("red earth") and the vaginal jewel box gives us an intertextual echo of the myth of Pandora and just a hint of the Yeats' apocalyptic beast slouching towards Bethlehem. So the creation story of Genesis is joined to the Greek myth of the origin of monsters, which have birthed (it seems) this monster storm. Out of that monstrous beginning will come the apocalyptic end of the poem's little world made cunningly. Why does the protagonist stay on the mud to drown as the water gathers and rolls toward her, refusing to save herself, choosing instead to lie down and open herself? I don't know, exactly. Yet that strange ending, in which the old man reassures her that drowning is somehow the point of it all, has an instinctive rightness to me. Why resist the god-tongue's watery word? Why not drown in god and let him/her wash the things of your life away? What will remain then? --Tony Barnstone Second Place I was engaged by this character who wakes in the waste of daylight in her sooty dress, partied out, smoked over, yet dreams herself a firefly leaving the city lights to be a light in the country, caught in the chapel of a child's cupped hands, a star falling to her at night, a fairy wish. Better that than to be a damselfly, "self-involved / and bossy, known to eat out of their own behinds." It's magical, and utterly romantic, or more accurately, Romantic, in its division of life into innocence and experience, country and city, childhood and adulthood. As a critic I read back in grad school critic said, "Romantic poetry is a long walk into the sublime, and a short walk back." Who can really write a Romantic poem today and get away with it? Something about this poem's assured movement, its magical images, its tenderness, allows me to like it, because there will always be a Romantic in poetry, and the only question is the one that the moderns (especially Frost, Williams, Yeats, and Stevens) posed themselves: how to renew the Romantic impulse in a world in which the machines have won and the country has retreated to city parks and potted plants? --Tony Barnstone Third Place This poem's portrait of the ordinary grimness and griminess of military life, punctuated by moments of extraordinary stress, could be the merest cliche, just a topical poem about (one assumes) the war in Iraq that relies on current events to lend it power and emotion. But it's not. I love the details of the poem--the soldier who sprays his trousers with Febreze (which I use to get the smell of cat piss out of my pillows and couch), the protagonist whose armpits and breasts are bombarded by the desert sun's heat bombs, the helicopters blading past like giant dragonflies gone bezerk. I felt that the poem faltered a bit here and there (I'm not convinced that the characterization of the enemy as "bad boys / who played with daddy's rockets / when mommy wasn't looking" is an effective irony). Finally, though, what sold me on the poem was the simplicity and psychological rightness of the protagonist's focus on that sweat-stained bra, a rightness which comes back even more powerfully in the thoughts which run through her mind as war zone life returns to its strange normality of television and Jeopardy after the bombardment ends: "My toenails are horrible; / they need clipping." --Tony Barnstone Honorable Mention Although this poem tries to get away with one cliche ("Dry as death"), it's great strength is in the surprise and strangeness of its surges and shifts of image and mind. I fell in love with funny lines like "I was young when I met you bling-blinging at the party / to the sounds of revamped disco," and surreal emotional images such as, The elusive smoke of giddiness "Philosophy is meaningless when sun hits the pillow," eh? Okay. And yet this poem's erotic, emotional journey is more about experiencing the Zen flash and holding back thought in a less discursive way, about the sound of water you remember when it rains, about sunlight emptying "through porch windows / to echo in the parlor." I like this poem's tenderness, and its very peculiar movements of mind and syntax. --Tony Barnstone Honorable Mention This poem is a sweet, lyrical poem, and that's nice. However, what makes it interesting is its swerves, the quick shtick of magician's tricks, using syntax to surprise, pulling it like taffy into looping, loopy mental shapes. --Tony Barnstone Honorable Mention Yes, I know that this poem seems to descend into gibberish pretty regularly, and that it has absolutely wild shifts in register (from the contemporary diction of "your fucking tongue I know is our joint antenna twisting" to the overwrought alliterative diction of "fishman of fleeting littoral, falsehood of starry fishmen" to the archaism of "O untrousered apprishns of Phnicia / thy mermids ist none so faire--"). But, wow, it's fun. And I like those twists of diction, shifts and frictions of reference and rhetoric. Finally, I like the author's great sense of humor, as he or she blends nonce words in with the archaisms. I don't know what "outspankered prismes" are, nor what it means to bare one's "neutic flutic combes," but the newness and oldness and weirdness of the language are such that, frankly, I don't care. I can guess. The poem seems to be a Frankenstein monster stitched together from odd literary corpses and the bloody pieces of the author's imagination, written in the ideogrammatic method of that crazy old fascist Ezra Pound. But, unlike far too many of Pound's Cantos, this monster's got a jolt of life to make its limbs twitch. Watch it rise from its slab and wander the countryside until it's pulled in by the siren song of the old man's violin. --Tony Barnstone |
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